What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 18.06.2025 00:29
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
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I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I was scared of men, in general
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One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
So, i spoilt her more .
This is soul school!.
Where's the Civil War everyone on the left said would happen?
Put me off passion for life!!
As i do to all so called friends.?
I don,t even have a pension.
What is the best way to end a relationship with someone who has future plans with you?
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
If you could go back and rewrite the Legend of Korra, what would you change, and why?
I had hoped to write a book about this .
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
But, we were locked up after school.
Do humans know everything they need to know?
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Why did i forgive my father ?
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
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Im dying but, im not bitter.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Comes on , in middle age.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
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One cannot live in the past .
I was 9 years of age.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Why do wives cheat with black guys?
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
But it wasn’t much.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Who then, do I blame.?
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I write beautiful poetry .
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
So whats the point in blame.
She loved him until the end.
And i lived it daily.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
He knew the spot.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
He resisted the act ,that day.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
She married twice! .
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
We all went to grammer schools
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Would this be the day?
She wouldn,t have been !
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Especially a lifetime of it.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I said to her
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
She found it foreign!.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I think the readers, may guess!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
(And it was in our own minds.)
She was in good health!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Where the ultimate outsiders.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
My life is so biszare .
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I was seconnd youngest,
I could never make a relationship work though!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Ive learnt so much.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Was to survive, this bastard.
But ive been too sick for many years..
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Im still living with it.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
What did i know ?
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
It was going to be , some day.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I will be 64.
All the time i was locked up.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I couldn’t, believe it.
We were not on the streets..
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I was very sick at this time too.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I have no regrets .
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I waited trembling.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
My family never makes their pension either.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
When she asked me how she looked .
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)